It’s that time of year again when I often ask myself as a Bipolar person, “Is this mania or just Spring?” It’s kind of similar to the “Is this Covid or just allergies?” question. Yes, I may be full of energy and in a better mood, but after a long winter and a year of being kept indoors, isn’t it natural I would wanna get outside and do lots of cleaning with the windows open and music playing somewhat loud? It’s Spring, a time to celebrate new beginnings. Plus, we were just given a big chunk of money for nothing and told to spend it. It can be hard to tell if I’m impulsively and carelessly spending money like one might do during a manic episode, or if I’m only doing what anyone in my position would do. It’s not like I used it on anything negative. No weapons or drugs or alcohol were purchased and nothing was a waste. I had to renew my web site, I got a canvas dresser to replace twenty year old plastic drawers, I got shorts, shoes and sandals for summer, copyrighted my children’s book, bought frames for the art in my upcoming art show, a lamp and mirror for the bedroom, incense, medicine, medical supplies, and yes, I did treat myself to a few records, books, and one kind of big item for fun that I don’t really need… a keyboard that I can play and record beats on. I’ve wanted a keyboard since 2010 and I told myself I shouldn’t buy any more instruments, but all my instruments were cheap knockoff versions and yet I enjoy picking them up now and then even if I can’t really play them. I don’t know how to play the keyboard either, but I know I can still make music with it. “I’m an artist. Give me a tuba and I’ll bring you something out of it” – John Lennon.
So Let’s start with my Spring photos. I took most of these on spring Solstice, which was just a couple days after getting my vaccine… but I think I may have mentioned the vaccine in my last post. It was just the first one though.
I also got this cool photo in the mail from my friend Niko Matthews, a talented photographer
And I found a couple throwback photos from this week in past years. First we have my very good friends Mel and Paul from Washington. This was ten years ago, just about 6 moths after I got out of my three month stay at Pembroke Psych Hospital against my will. I WAS manic before I was sent there, and I had never been so happy, nor have I since, but I was annoying and worrying people, so they locked me up and broke me on purpose, wiping the happiness out of me and causing me to feel suicidal again. They court ordered me onto an anti-psychotic injection which I still take to this day and it has done all kinds of damage to my mind, body, and soul, but it also might be helping me, and I don’t wanna feel like I did when they took me out of heaven ever again. When I got my freedom back in September of 2010, I was still miserable and sick as hell. Seeing Mel and Paul in March of 2011 was the very first thing to lift my spirits, and it made a world of difference to see friends I love and trust, They made me feel like I was really home. They were staying at a hotel in NH playing a gig at a steampunk convention and my dad got me a room for a couple nights so I could go hang out with them while they were so close by. One night at dinner I accidentally referred to the hotel as a hospital. I was still very institutionalized and broken, but my friends and their music lifted me.
You can hear their music here if you’re interested. Mel is a trained opera singer and Paul plays all kinds of instruments and is good at them all.
The second picture I found was this…
While this was not my TV, this photo from 4 years ago is symbolic of when I officially threw out a majority of drama in my life. I had just dated a nightmare of a woman in November through January, then shit went down with my friends I’d been hanging out with for a decade. They were lying to me and getting together without me, talking shit about me behind my back because they wanted to do cocaine and other hard drugs and sell their psych meds and do gang shit and I’d been hard at work on myself for a long time and was starting to see some real progress. I told them I didn’t wanna do any of that and didn’t think they should either since they all had kids. If I’d chosen my friends over continuing to recover and work on myself, I may have ended up dead like a couple of them did, and I don’t think the living ones have achieved any of their big goals either, not that I’m judging them. They had their reasons and their obstacles but I knew that if I wanted a better life, I had to say goodbye, and so I did, more of less. I did ghost a few of them which may have been shitty, but I also knew how manipulative they were and that they’d make it impossible for me, so I just blocked most of them, but they were treating me like shit long before that and some of them continue to find ways to harass me all these years later. I got out of a bad situation and turned my life around, and it wasn’t easy. Just about a year later, I was showing my art in a gallery and making new friends in the art world.
I’ve spent most of the week cleaning my apartment and Moo thinks we’re playing a game…
Last off, here are some lunchroom surveys I took in 1995 at Beacon High School in Brookline/Boston MA.
And for music… how about this cuz the weather is saying it’s time for reggae…
The last 2 are local Boston artists. We actually have some great reggae and ska here.
