First, let me get this out of the way. It’s page 5 of my children’s book. I still have a ways to go, but it’s coming along and it’s been fun.
Moving on, I saw a meme on Facebook yesterday that really triggered me. I don’t know the person who posted it very well and I didn’t think that arguing the meme was a good idea since the person who posted it probably intended it differently than it sounded to me and it may have been about something personal to them and I just didn’t feel like me arguing about it on their page would have made them change their point of view in any important way and would likely just make them feel shitty that I chose to argue, so I have moved the argument here to my own space.
The meme said something like “When you say the phrase ‘after all I did for you’ it reveals that you never did it with good intentions; it was all about you and shows you were expecting a reward for what you did.”
I found it very triggering after what I went through with my old friends who used and abused me. Take “Brett” for instance (that is his name in my book). When things were good between us, I let him live with me while he was homeless, which was risking my own housing situation because I’m not allowed to have people live here. I spent all my extra money on food and weed for us both, I drove him all over the place, picked him up at all kinds of random sketchy locations, gave him my art and a bass guitar I decoupaged that I could have sold for a hugely high price because it was a work of art, etc. I DID all of this knowing full well he could never pay me back for any of it. I wasn’t expecting anything in return, but when he robbed me and lied to me over and over, broke into my house, sexually assaulted me, trashed my house, called me a spoiled bitch, broke my computer, camera and record player on purpose, put holes in my car tires, and smashed the bass I gave him, I think I more than earned the right to say “After all I did for you” without being guilt tripped by a meme trying to make me sound like the bad guy for saying it.. not that it was him who put up the meme. All of my abusive friends have been out of my life for a long time, thank goodness for that, but I just had to say my piece on that. I never would have held any of what I did for him over his head if he hadn’t done something fucked up in response to every good thing I did for him. After all I did for him, to be treated like that. No wonder I am so wounded still, after spending a decade with abusive people AFTER having two full blown breakdowns. At least I’m getting my life together.
Anyway. That’s about it. I just had to get that out. I also wanted to share this record I got recently that I was pretty psyched about…
It’s called Gizmodgery by Self and other than one song, it is made entirely with kids toy instruments. Here are a couple worth checking out…
That’s all. Peace.
