It’s been an incredibly stressful life lately. I will check in more soon.
Author: jymicliche
Jymi Cliche' is a queer, trans, intersex, artist and writer from the Boston area. He is Bipolar and has Complex PTSD . He writes from his experiences with that. His art is the raw emotion that comes out of him, often telling prophetic visions of the future or at least uncovering what's in his soul. He raps and writes spoken word poetry, has art hanging all around the world, and takes photos of his own personal universe.
My Wicked Cliche’ 90’s Teen Bedroom
Was my bedroom really wicked cliche’ or am I just saying that because it’s my name? I like to think it was fairly unique and individually expressive of who I was. I put a lot of time into decorating it, which is why I took pictures of it through the years. Similarly, I still take photos of my living space to this day, and in many ways, my apartment in 2021 resembles my 90’s bedroom. If you look carefully enough, you will even find many things from my old bedroom in my current home.
This first photo is the oldest. This was 1992 I think, my Freshman year of HS.
Yep
I
was
a
90’s
kid…
These next ones were probably 93-96
And the rest are 97-2001
And how about some 90’s music?
New Abstract Expressionism Primal Art Painting by Jymi Cliche’
I was itching to do some art tonight, and this is what I came up with…
I have added it to my canvas paintings page on my web site, along with another new one from this year, and some old ones.
I also finished yet another edit of “I Write the System” and am getting closer and closer to feeling like it’s where I want it.
I am grateful for another day, especially because today was a good one.
Last Vacation/Next Vacation
I’m gonna try doing some blog posts on suggested topics I found somewhere. The first suggestion was to write about my last vacation…
So here is the thing; I’m somewhat agoraphobic, although I do leave the house, but I haven’t exactly gone on a vacation in years. The last time I flew somewhere was almost four years ago now, when I went to visit my friends in Tacoma Washington. I believe it was my fifth time there, but the first time in over a decade, which was also the first time I went as a person with a hardcore nicotine smoking/vaping habit, and I nearly flipped out on the plane due to the extreme anxiety going all the way across the country, plus several hours in airports without being able to smoke. I was crawling out of my skin. Luckily it’s been just about three years since I quit nicotine, and so a long plane trip would be easier now, yet I’d still only be able to go places where I could be sure to get weed, since I need that as my medicine and don’t do well without it. In fact, when I went to Tacoma 4 years ago, I wasn’t able to get weed until my third day, and by that time, my mind was going a million miles an hour. As soon as I smoked it, I felt my whole body and mind calm down again. I did have a ton of fun out in Tacoma, particularly because my friends out there are some of my most favorite people.
It’s probably been about three years since I went up to Maine to the ocean for a few days with my family. Instead, the past few years, rather than going to Maine, I’ve visited my parents once a month, who live up near Maine in a beach town, and that’s basically been my vacation, although they don’t live on the water and I don’t go down to the beach much on my own. When my parents first moved here, I’d go to restaurants on the water with them, like The Portside, where people I know like Nomadik Soulkore and Dis N Dat Band play, and a kid who graduated with my sister owns the place, but I haven’t been there or out to dinner at all since before the Pandemic. I went up to my parents’ for the 4th of July Weekend and we didn’t do much, but I got to sit outside for a bit and ate some good food, and I got my parents into the show Timeless on Hulu which was something I wanted to re-watch myself. It was canceled after the second season, but was a brilliant show…one that I couldn’t stop watching when I first saw it.
I didn’t take many exciting photos since we didn’t go anywhere or anything, but it was still nice to get away, and I’ll be going up to York, Maine for the first time in a few years at the end of the month with my boyfriend for the day.
So, yeah, not exactly an exciting post of crazy adventures, but nice to have some time away. My cat has been driving me mad, so it was nice to have a couple days without her constant screaming/crying.
Tomorrow is another day though and I really hope this week goes as planned.
Here is some music. Tyler the Creator has a new album…
Here’s one song from it. The album is great but it took me several listens before I was ready to take it in…He’s like that though. It’s because he’s so unique.
The Loss Of Another Top Favorite Musician- Gift Of Gab
I wanted to post about Gift Of Gab, who died the other day. He was in the underground hip hop group Blackalicious, whose music helped spark my interest in hip hop, which is now my favorite genre of the last 20 years. I’ve always used Blackalicious music to convert my friends who think hip hop sucks into thinking it might be something they could actually appreciate if they knew where to find more real talent like it. You can’t listen to Gift Of Gab and say “Anyone could do that.” He was brilliant, and it was a sad day for me that even led to tears as I thought about how shitty it was that he was so underappreciated and that most of the world had no idea what a brilliant artist we lost. I didn’t see anyone except my friends from the Hip Hop Vinyl Spinners group even say anything about him that day. It’s sad, and he was young. It’s a major loss. I found him to be a Top 5 rapper. Without a doubt, one of the best… so I’m gonna share this photo of my Blackalicious record on my turntable and recommend a few songs to check out. RIP Gift Of Gab!
This first one is especially cool and one of their most well known, partly because Daniel Radcliff rapped it on Jimmy Fallon once, but Daniel Radcliff picked the song to impress.
This one samples the song “Me and My Arrow” from the animated film “The Point“, sung by Harry Nilsson.
and this is just one more I like…
I hope you took the time to watch these. Goodbye to one of my biggest influences.
The music will live forever.
Fun From the Wicked Cliche Art Show at The Armory
The Wicked Cliche Art Show, “Falling Apart, Breaking, And Putting Myself Back Together Through Art” was yesterday and it was a hit. We had a lot of fun and helped raise some money for Out Of the Blue Art Gallery/Parma Chai Gallery at The Armory in Somerville.
I’ve had an especially rough week, but the show made it worth the effort. Here are some photos
There were actually a bunch of other people there who I forgot to take pictures of, including my therapist who I actually haven’t seen in person in over a year, so that was nice.
And here’s a short video of my 25 pieces in the hallway…
I made enchiladas a couple days ago…
I took this picture of my altar, which I’ve had since 1992
and I found these Menotomy Rocks…
I grabbed one as a gift for my sister’s 40th birthday and one for my boyfriend who’s visiting at the end of July, and I left the rest…
I’ve been doing some editing and I sent my book out to a few friends to look at and haven’t heard from any of them yet, so part of me is worried they think the book is terrible, but I’m pretty sure they’re just busy with other things.
Unfortunately it’s getting to be hot as fuck and will be for a few days, so here is a little music to chill too. The King of Emo..
Triggered By A Diagnosis
I’ve been living with Bipolar Disorder and Complex PTSD for most of my life, and one of the most common things about people with Complex PTSD is that we’ve often been given at least ten other diagnoses, and I have been…
The other day when I went to the doctor over my high pulse and stress, she asked me if I was ever diagnosed with Borderline Personality Disorder. She was very nice and was asking a number of questions, so I told her, yes, that I have been diagnosed but that I don’t believe I was born with a personality disorder. I do think BPD is real and there are people who have that, and I do know I have a few of the symptoms, and used to have a lot more, but that’s the thing… a person with a personality disorder can’t really recover, yet with DBT, I believe the majority of us who are misdiagnosed as Borderline as a result of trauma CAN, and I have in most ways, but I’ve been extremely stressed and triggered lately because the way things are going, my needs are being put last and forgotten about, as per usual because I’m a poor, trans, mentally ill, unemployed person on disability and section 8 who’s at the bottom of society with no money or power or anything giving me any upper hand. I’ve spent my life as a professional lab rat and psych patient and I’ve been destroyed in the process.
When my doctor asked me that the other day, I started asking myself “Why did she ask that? What did I do that made her ask that? Was it my tone of voice? My mania? The fact that I talked so openly about my trauma like it was nothing?” I felt like I’d done something wrong and fucked up for her to ask that. Sometimes I wonder if I DO have BPD since I feel like my life has been a challenge since day one and that people have always been working against me, and that type of belief is common in people with BPD, but let’s examine MY Day 1 in this world. What happened to me that day? My fucking dick was cut off! Okay, so if that’s not traumatic enough, from that very moment on, I was basically brainwashed by my family and society to believe I was a girl, which never felt right, and when I came out about being trans, my family said I brought shame on them and many of them wanted me dead. Then, when I began getting locked up against my will for asking my family questions about my intersex condition that they didn’t wanna answer, they called the cops on me just for asking questions and had me locked up where I was tortured, beaten, and sexually assaulted by staff members who wouldn’t allow me to use the men’s room. Then, when I began saying that I thought there were gangs working in almost every type of position throughout the system (because I know for a fact there are) I was given the diagnosis of Borderline, and when I started pointing out who was actually working for the gangs, I got diagnosed with Schizophrenia, and yeah if you don’t know what I know you probably think I’m crazy to say these things about gangsters in the system, but the best way to explain what they do is basically Matt Damon’s character in The Departed. In that movie, he is working for the police, and there are absolutely gangsters working for the police, but the police in and of themselves are a gang to begin with, so that’s not the best example…. but the same way the Mob payed Matt Damon’s character to work as a cop to get inside information, there are secretaries, social workers, hospital staff, janitors, nurses, doctors, security guards, teachers, and others inside the system who are being paid extra to do some illegal inside investigating along with their jobs. I’m not crazy to think this and I’m not a liar or delusional, but I’ve been given these diagnoses to take away the power of my word. All anyone has to say is “he’s crazy” or actually, they often say “she’s crazy” just to piss me off extra, but that is all they have to say. It’s been used against me when I was beaten, tortured, sexually assaulted, & harassed. I tried to report it as they said was my right but the staff who did it said I was crazy and that was that. Their word over mine. The police do it to me too. I have absolutely no power except to tell my life story, and that’s what I have done in my books, and why I’m a little paranoid for my safety and afraid to go out. I’ve been scooped up off the street by cops for no reason except that my parents were looking for me and I was locked up for months and nearly sent to a state hospital for two years… so to be asked “Have you ever been diagnosed Borderline?” has me buggin’ the more that I thought about it. Like, I was literally born both male and female, which is as common as being born with red hair. Did you hear that? Yes, it’s THAT common, and yet we have been completely erased from society. Our existence is not acknowledged and when we start to question the extreme corruption going on and the fact that wars are being fought over this issue without it ever being talked about or acknowledged and I’m in the middle of it all, and was born into it, hated by so many from the day I was born, as if I had been marked by the devil, but IIIIIIII have a personality disorder????? I’m sorry but I just don’t agree.
In other news though, here are some photos I took today. I’ve been trying to slow myself down and not do too much so I don’t explode, but it’s been a rough ride lately and I can’t help but feel a bit angry.
This last picture is me cheering for the Red Sox who I can’t watch right now cuz I don’t have cable, but I’m hoping to watch them in the playoffs and World Series.
Creativity Is For My Health
The days have been a challenge and I can only hope that means better times are on their way. I haven’t been my best self lately.
I went to the doctor on Thursday to get an EKG and some blood tests. There doesn’t seem to be any huge concerns other than my sugar being a little high, but they want me to come back soon and do a stress test in a couple months.
I stopped on the way home to mail about 40 press kits and drove by Spy Pond where the sun was sparkling on the water. I’m still struggling to get out. I really should have driven around or went for a walk to take pictures, but I’m struggling with agoraphobia and institutionalization after being kept indoors almost two of the last three years.
I took some photos when I was out, and when I got home, I found that the free editing program I’ve been using was no longer working on my phone. Technically the app went down in 2018, but it still worked on my phone until the other day. I asked for suggestions of good free photo editing apps and was told to try Snapseed and PicsArt, so I gave them a go.
These were the photos I took…
I thought that one was kind of cool with the grunge effect. It would make a cool book cover for a psych ward book.
That same day, my parents went to the beach and my mom sent me a picture of her wrapped in the towel I gave her for Mother’s Day from my Wicked Cliche Store.
I did some work on the Wicked Cliche Creative Friends page that features art by a very diverse group of artist from around the world who I call friends.
Please check that out.
I got a gift in the mail from my friend who makes soap. She’s listed last on the Creative Friends page under WickedSoftOrganics. This is the Trans flag one.
I listened to my favorite Nas album, God’s Son on vinyl.
and I cooked this delicious meal….
I cheated and got pre-made sour cream and chive mashed potatoes, but I made the chicken which had salt, pepper, and fresh thyme on it, and was cooked in a sauce made from honey, pineapple juice, Dijon mustard, garlic, and cornstarch, plus pineapple chunks and cashews. It was delicious and easy. I’ll do it again for sure.
Here’s an inspiring song from the God’s Son album by Nas…
Happy Juneteenth, if you can really say that. It seems more like it was made a holiday to shut people up while actual actions to fix systematic racism are not being taken.
Peace
FTM Transition: 25 Year Difference. Healthcare, Stress & More
I haven’t made a blog entry in about a week. It’s been a rough one. I believe in my last entry, I tried to keep the focus on what I was grateful for, and I don’t wanna get carried away with the negatives now either.
I’ve been very busy; so much so that I’m kind of concerned for my mental and physical health. It’s been a real challenge, and lately my health CARE has been the main cause in making my health WORSE, and seeing how I have a history of that, like being sexually assaulted, beaten, tortured, experimented on, drugged, lied to, laughed at, etc. by my health care workers at times over the years, I find it very triggering when my health care is the cause of my stress. To be a professional psych patient for thirty years is not a great life. Luckily, I am fortunate enough to be blessed with many amazing people in my life who help bring me some joy, just as I am blessed to be the type of person who is easily self contained. Give me something to write and draw with, an instrument to play with, a book I’ll like, a good movie, or access to a variety of music, and I’m good for entertainment for awhile. A combination of all those things, and you may never see me again, as has been the case this year. Unfortunately I do need a lot more social time than I’m getting. With as much stress as my old friends used to cause me, I hardly had any rage for all those years when we were hanging out, other than a few times here and there. It seems like so much more the last few years since I kicked them all out of my life and began to put my own life together.
I guess being an artist in a gallery can be extremely stressful for me unfortunately, and all the other stuff I’ve taken on since choosing to give my life an honest shot. Plus, I had a full blown psychosis breakdown just a couple years ago, not long after the art gallery moved from Medford, which was accessible to me, to Allston and Cambidge, which is not. The fact that we may be losing the new gallery in Somerville which is extremely accessible, and forced back into the space in Allston is not helping my stress. The fact that everything regarding our space at The Armory went to shit right before the show I spent five months preparing for and putting a lot of my stimulus money into didn’t help my stress either. Speaking of which, please sign and share this petition.
Petition to help save OOTB Gallery at The Armory
And if you wanna learn more about my current show at The Armory, you can read more here…
“Wicked Cliche Art Show” Falling Apart, Breaking, and Putting Myself Back Together Through Art”
Other stuff has been stressful too though, as I plan to put out another book that I’m hoping will have more success than The Godchild Trilogy which was not a total failure, all things considered, but I feel I have the potential to do much better, and this next book could reach a lot of people, and my family may not like it, similar to The Godchild, which I was afraid I’d be disowned because of. While that didn’t happen, and the world didn’t end, like I also feared, I don’t know if that was just because of how few people have read it so far. I don’t know if I do end up having some success and begin to get read, if that’ll affect things differently. I suppose things will probably be okay, but I worry. I also mentioned my sister was in the ER last week for a heart issue, and I’ve been having them too, and my pulse was extremely high when the nurse was here the other day. I’ve made an appointment with the doctor for tomorrow though, as well as with my psychiatrist and nutritionist. I also weighed myself the other day and I’ve gone down a few more pounds in just a few weeks. I continue to be heading in the right direction with that on a slow but steady pace.
I realized that this month is 25 years since I graduated high school in 1996, from Beacon High/New Perspectives in Coolidge Corner Brookline, in a class of eleven kids, which was the record for the largest graduating class there at the time, yet was doubled with 22 kids the next year, I believe. There were only 44 kids in the whole school, and many never finished. I loved the school, but my last year there was rough after gaining over 100 pounds from psych meds, and a number of traumas and hospital visits and loss of friends and other difficult shit…
Here is a picture of me at my graduation party in 1996 where I was smiling because I was surrounded by friends and family who were celebrating me, but I was extremely sad and chronically suicidal, and on the right is a pic taken a couple days ago, when I was grumpy due to some recent stress, but am overall a much happier person now.
I got away for a few days of sunshine with the family this weekend…
I am grateful for my few days away, the good food, sun, fresh air, family time, and my dad got my car inspected for me with a new sticker before I even woke up.
I’m getting lots of work done on the web site, I’ve spent hours working on press kits, I’ve been eating mostly healthy but delicious food, I’m getting support from all kinds of people in all kinds of ways, and life really isn’t that bad, even with all the stress and the recent symptoms that have been bothering me.
One of the ways someone helped me this week was something that I didn’t even need, but I thought I’d ask for help if anyone didn’t mind. My friend Luke went to Newbury Comics and picked up a record I wanted from Record Store Day, and I am now the proud owner of a limited copy of “Peace Beyond Passion” by MeShell Ndgeocello who was one of the only openly queer artists in the 90’s. I love this album, and she is in my top 5 bass players along with Flea, Roger Waters, Victor Wooten, and Les Claypool.
I will leave you with a song from the album and wish you a good rest of the week…
Pride Is Time To Be Grateful
I have a lot to be grateful for, despite the last few days which have been kind of awful. I won’t get into it all right now but my anxiety and stress are through the roof and the shit that’s been happening is not fair to me and it’s my life story and I’m tired of it. It’s a constant fight that gets me seemingly nowhere. BUT this entry is going to concentrate on some of what I’m grateful for, because although I said I’d throw these last couple days away, there was actually some good too.
June is Pride month and I found a few of these old photos from Boston Pride in the 90’s. Fun times with old friends, most of whom are still in my life.
I got some pride soap from my favorite soap maker WickedSoftOrganics
That’s it below. It smells delicious.
I got this mask in the mail the other day. I bought a set of 2 Bob Dylan masks for my dad for Father’s Day, but I know he wouldn’t wear this one. I dunno if he’ll even wear the one I’m giving him, but I kept this one and took a selfie in the heat…
I made some new stickers for my press kits and sold 2 packs of 6.
And I got my pack of 250 stickers of my logo in the mail and they came out better than expected…
I texted about 50 people for addresses to send press kits to and got to talk to all kinds of people I hadn’t really talked to much, some of whom are interested in the book, so that is good news!
I started editing “I Write the System” by reading it aloud because that’s something highly recommended to people who edit their own books, and it’s been great, because for one thing, I can tell how it’s far better writing than The Godchild and everything flows naturally and sounds great, but there were a few very minor things that I definitely wouldn’t have even noticed were wrong if I hadn’t read it aloud, so I think it’s gonna be worth doing. I’ve also been trying to figure out what chapters I might be able to read from it if I were gonna do a book reading, and I found a couple so far that I think might work. It’s been good to get that done.
This gift to myself also came yesterday, which cheered me up. I can’t afford to buy myself much other than a couple little things under ten bucks, but I put most of my money towards stuff I hope will turn into money coming back to me at some point, like the stickers, envelopes, printer ink, and stamps for my press kit and I’m thinking of buying my own ISBN numbers for my future books rather than using the free one on Amazon that keeps you limited to them for life. Unfortunately it’s $200 for one ISBN or $300 for ten, so it makes sense to go for ten since I already have plans for three book releases in the next year and I especially don’t wanna get stuck with Amazon for the children’s book because I heard the quality of their children’s picture books aren’t great….but, I can’t afford $300 for anything right now so I’m hoping to ask for the money as an early birthday present. But yeah, this Funko Pop of Hitchcock was too cool. I still wanna direct a film some day and he was one of my earliest influences.
What else? It’s hot as fuck, for one thing. I need a vacation from the stress.
BUT I’m grateful to be alive. I got my medicine and took a cold bath with my pride soap, I have the AC in the bedroom, music playing, food to eat, a bed to sleep in, friends, family, etc. Speaking of family, my sister helped me learn how to do something new with my web site. I’m using it on this page. I’ve been reading from an incredibly helpful list I got on LinkedIn about how to make a web site that actually gets seen. Obviously that’s the goal of making a site, but of course it isn’t easy… at all, but I’ve already learned a few things and redid the front page if you wanna check it out here.
That’s all folks.
Here’s a random song I’m in love with for the road…